baby help

Subject: baby help Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:22 pm

I know I have been mia of late!! I had a little baby boy on 8th June so have been trying to get used to being a mum!!

I am finding a few things very difficult and thought maybe soemone would have some ideas.

I cannot get him to sleep in his cot. At all. Even if I get him asleep then put him in it he wakes up and screams. He was fine for a few days but now it is a struggle. He has a cold which has meant I have sat with him for 3 nights and 2 days now with hardly more than a couple of hours sleep...he will not go down at all. I cannot listen to him cry for more than 5 minutes as he is too young.

I need a routine of sorts. I have already started supplimenting formula for one feed at night which was working to get him down until he got ill.

My mum keeps saying that as i have not been stricter with him i am spoiling him, but I simply cannot leave him to scream...

any ideas????

the flat is a mess as I cannot do anything whilst holding him...it is really starting to get to me!
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Ouissi x
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Subject: Re: baby help Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:43 pm

Ouissi, have you considered sleeping with him in your bed until he can settle better? He is a very young baby yet and I don't believe there is any way you can spoil him. I always think that babies have such a big adjustment to make after such a cozy time in mummy. If you aren't getting any rest you are bound to feel out of your depth and frustrated.

Does he settle better if he is wrapped tightly in a banklet or maybe close to you in a sling during the day when you want to get things done?

I'm just suggesting these kinds of things as I know they are the things my daughter does with her young babies to settle them. I well remember as a young mom (all those years ago!!) when I would literally cry when they cried...I'd be so tired and feel so useless and helpless.

Hope that is of some help to you, Ouissi. It's nice to see you around again too. (((((hugs)))))

Jacquie x
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Joined : 02 Jul 2008 Posts : 5 Name : Brenda Jones

Hi Ouissi,
I'm Brenny- Jacquie's (merseylass) daughter. Sorry to hear you're having problems. I can give you some advice but I don't mind if you don't take it
Ok first of all- you are doing a brilliant job I am sure & do not let anyone tell you that you are spoiling your baby. He is only a few weeks old you can't possibly spoil him!
With regards to him sleeping in the cot. Personally I have co-slept with all of my children for varying lengths of time. My youngest one is now 18 months old & is still in our family bed- good job it's super king size I have also breastfed all of my children (I have 4) & with my first child I ended up naturally bringing him into the bed for night feeds & there he stayed. I didn't know at the time that my parenting style had a name- you often see it refered to as 'attached parenting'. Nor that sleeping with my baby was called co-sleeping. I must admit I get funny looks & lots of people who disagree with me but co-sleeping is safe as long as a few simple rules are followed.
1. Do not sleep with your baby if you smoke (or indeed your partner smoke)
2. Do not sleep with your baby if you have taken drugs which would make you drowsy or consumed alcohol.
You also need to be careful of things like pillows/duvets. You can use baby sleeping bags which I find are a good way of keeping the baby comfy at night. I would offer to send you one but I gave it away last week!
If you would like to know about co-sleeping I can recomend an excellent book called 'Three in a bed- the benefits of sleeping with your baby' by Deborah Jackson. I initially got a copy from my local library but I liked it so much I went on to buy one. You can get it on amazon or from whsmith though sometimes it has to be ordered in. I understand that you don't have a lot of time to read but it's an easy read & I often refer to it.
Another thing I can suggest is, as my Mom has already said, you try swaddling him. Just use a simple receiveing blanket- a thinish one. You may find that he likes it & settles. If you then put him down you can always add an extra blanket if you think he's cold.
Another suggestion which I *really* recommend is a sling. Now when I say a sling I mean a 'proper' sling- not the baby bjorn type carriers. I have one called a babyhawk mei tai- they are suitable from tiny babies right up to toddlers. If you google mei tai you will find plenty of images etc. Wrap slings are also very good for babies. If you are interested I can recommend a few & you can even hire them to see if you get along with them. Let me know if you are interested- I'm happy to show you my sling collection or give you links etc. Also having a sling means if he settles you can get on with other things- go out for a walk, do a bit of housework etc
Now with regards to the breastfeeding/formula. Personally I would not supplement him at all. Breastfeeding is meant to take time & they feed often, especially at his young age. Don't worry about the housework - it will still be there. Time with your baby can not be given back but the housework can wait. (it reminds me of a lovely poem I'll dig it out for you) It's really important that you establish good breastfeeding. Supplementing him with formula in a bottle will cause nipple confusion & you may find he will start to refuse the breast. The sucking relax is different for bottle & breast. If you do want to give him formula you can give it to him in a cup - obviously you'd have to feed him- or from a spoon.
I am a member of a really good, supportive parenting forum & I can ask for you to have access if you'd like.It's a private forum open to members only. Just let me know. There are many other parenting forums as well which would offer good advice re breastfeeding etc. Two that i'd recommend would be www.ukparentslounge.co.uk & http://www.createforum.com/cosynostra/index.php?mforum=cosynostra Both of them have attachment parenting forums (which would offer good advice re co-sleeping/slings) & breastfeeding forums. For general breastfeeding advice www.kellymom.com is a very good website & even though it's american offers good, sensible advice.
I really would receommend that you get a sling. If you want to chat you can pm/e-mail me & I also have msn. My mom said she has given you my address in an e-mail. Feel free to add. I know it's difficult with a new baby & trying to adjust to a new routine but he's still very young- you are still on your babymoon! Just try & enjoy your new little bundle -& a gorgeous one he is. I know it's easy for me to say but it will all work out in the end. They aren't babies for long.
I hope thats helped a bit- if you got this far- sorry it's so long.
Take care
Brenny xoxoxox

Joined : 02 Jul 2008 Posts : 5 Name : Brenda Jones

Ok i found the poem

Cleaning and scrubbing
Can wait till timorrow,

For babies grow up
We've learned to our sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,

I'm rocking my baby,
And babies don't keep.

Brenny xoxoxox

Joined : 02 Jul 2008 Posts : 5 Name : Brenda Jones

Also this is the 'full' version

Mother, o mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue.
(Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.)
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due.
(Pat-a-cake, darling and peek, peek-a-boo.)

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew,
And out in the yard, there's a hullabaloo.
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.)

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait til tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs.
Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

Brenny xoxoxo

Joined : 02 Jul 2008 Posts : 5 Name : Brenda Jones

Ok sorry I'm here again.
Another thing I thought of. By my reckoning he's 3/4 weeks old. This is the prime time for a growth spurt so if he's feeding more than normal that could be the reason why.Often baby's get 'fussy' around this time as well.
Anyway was just another idea.

Brenny xoxoxoxo

Subject: Re: baby help Thu Jul 03, 2008 9:32 am

Hi Oussi. It does get easier chick. Promise!

My daughter was like that too. Hated to be put down. Good as gold, so long as she was being trundled about. While I'm not an advocate of allowing children to make a habit of sleeping in their parents bed, I agree with the suggestion to tuck baby in with you until his cold has passed. God knows you could both use the rest.

After that, bundling is an excellent suggestion. A midwife I talked to when mine were small said some infants become distressed if they can flail their limbs about. They can't do that in the womb, though it feels like it to you when their in there kicking like mad. So bundling helps recreate that experience and often calms a fussy baby. Be sure he's fed, dry and bundled so he can move, but not thrash. In this warm weather, stick to cotton receiving blankets for wrapping.

As an aside, bugger the housework. You sleep when baby sleeps. Your no good to anyone if your exhausted. I don't care if your husband goes to work, he can do a bit of housekeeping too and take over some care of his son to give you some breathing space. If there's relatives about who are happy to assist, get them in there!

A first child is a real trial by fire. I remember what a wreck I was with my son. And he was an easy baby. His sister was difficult and I think if she'd been born first, I might have stopped right there! If you do decide to have a second baby down the road, trust me, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about the first time! Take care of you.
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Subject: Re: baby help Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:33 pm

I know it sounds cruel, but one of the things that helped us with our girls when they were babies is to simply let them cry for awhile and not go in every time they cried. However, he is still very little, so perhaps Jacquie's suggestion of letting him sleep with you is best? I could never sleep with my babies though, I had a great fear of hurting them so I never did that. Swaddling helped Sarah tremendously. She loved being wrapped up tightly, but Ashley hated it.

Ali is right - a first child is like nothing else you've ever done before and then the others are a cinch because you know what to do. LOL I always napped or did quiet reading or something when my babies were asleep, just like Ali said. It made a huge difference. The dirty house will still be there later.

Subject: Re: baby help Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:15 pm

I'm wondering about the food itself, if it is breast milk are you eating something that is upsetting the stomach. there is almost a different cry for a stomach upset, if you put your hand on the stomach you can feel the tense ness on their abdomen. Or is the formula possibly upsetting the stomach...

Also, spoiling a baby...no way..but letting the baby cry for a short bit isn't all such a bad idea, it's worse on you than them.

As for your house, it'll be there, and don't hesitate to ask for help from friends or family to help you out in that department. What about the man of the house?????

You and the babe are most important now and that is all.

Subject: Re: baby help Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:17 pm

I don't know how I did that

Subject: Re: baby help Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:10 am

Ouissi -

If you're breastfeeding, you'll want to avoid broccoli, cabbage, onions, really spicy foods and large amounts of dairy. Sometimes chocolate too - these can cause gas in your baby. HOWEVER - not every baby reacts to these so it's a matter of trial and error.

And as Ali said, sometimes formula can cause issues too. Both my girls, when I switched them to formula, had to be on soy formula because of stomach issues.